Why Is Patience in Leadership So Important?

0:03Welcome to Leadership DNA, a podcast for those who aspire to be a better leader. Alongside Arturo Gomez, I'm Rob Cressy. Today's topic, patience. Arturo, what is patience? Arturo, I think it's one of those things that nobody seems to have, right? You know, I think we look at, you know, textbook definition, it's really somebody's ability to, you know, accept, tolerate, delay, endure a little bit of discomfort, I would say. But, you know, patience, I think is really important in the concept of leadership for a couple different reasons. And two points that I think are really important. I think that there is the aspect of the student and the teacher, and, you know, the individual aspiring to kind of push themselves to a higher, greater level of leadership. And then there's the, this student or this kind of third party aspect or view that you have, or that you're required to have for individuals that you would be mentoring. And so, you know, it's the self and then it's the individual. And so those two aspects of how patience plays into that is, I think, is a really important piece, not only in the development of individuals, but also in the, I would say, in defining the right moves for you in your career path. And I've seen a lot of instances on both ends of the stick where I would say that the student is losing patience for a lot of patience is losing patience for a number of reasons. One of them could be where ambition is probably pushing them over the edge and not really having grounded themselves in an understanding that things require time. Okay. And so I've seen people that have made some really significant missteps by taking their career down different paths due to the fact that they were just impatient and wanting to have certain aspects of their career or certain aspects of their life fulfilled at that particular moment. I do believe that everything has a time and a place. And I, I believe in that concept.

2:34And like I said, I've seen, I've seen a lot of different stories not end up the way that those individuals would have anticipated or have wanted because of the fact that they lacked patience and really push themselves to go after something that they weren't really ready for or prepared for. um, I've also seen instances where we have leaders that have been put in positions to, um, you know, that are obviously directing and overseeing, you know, large groups of people that really don't have advanced level of patience to, uh, to nurture and to foster culture and to mentor the individuals that they have around them. And, and that's a, that's a critical piece of leadership. It's a critical piece of winning.

3:20I think that you can't really, um, establish a true culture of winning and of, um, yeah, patience to me is such a critical part of that entire formula. So I would say that there's two things that we can talk about today that I think that we should talk about today that are really kind of top of mind for myself.

3:41And it is both ends. It's, it's, it's coming directly from the individual that classify themselves as the leader, the teacher, and then the student person that you would really be, um, more so mentoring and directing through, uh, through your leadership pathway. Yeah. Because remember everything trickles down from the leader. And we've talked about the importance of culture and core values and things like that. So if you have an impatient leader, what sort of energy do you think that is going to give for the rest of the team? It's why us as leaders, it is so important that we double down on patience. And oh, by the way, this is not an easy thing, but neither is leadership.

4:20So by design, we have to say, wait a second, what can we do to be more patient? And one thing that I always teach, um, when it comes to podcasting, which I think very much relates to patience is you can control your action, but you cannot control the timeline in which something happens because so often people want something to happen. And you talked about it. People have this path in their mind that said, I'm going to do this. And they end up going down a variety of different roads.

4:50And we don't know when most things are going to happen in our lives, but what we can control in this is the action. So that's a way to take the patience and turn it into action to get the desired result. And when thinking about this episode, I was like, all right, well, who are some great leaders who have exhibited patience?

5:11And one of the best leaders out there is former San Francisco 49ers head coach, Bill Walsh. And he has some quotes from his book, which are just incredible. And the book is the score takes care of itself. He says, exhibit patience, paralyzing patience. And that word paralyzing is so big because essentially what he's saying is be so patient where you're almost not even moving.

5:37And then he goes to the next level. And then he goes to the next level, which says exhibit an inner toughness emanating from four of the most effective survival tools a leader can possess. Expertise, composure, patience, and common sense. And what I take from this is patience is such an important ingredient to the DNA of who we are as leaders that the patience is going to allow some of the other characteristics that we talk about to do their thing.

6:08Right. 100%. And I think it's important too, to make sure that our listeners understand that I think patience is one of those, it's certainly a virtue, right? And it really has to be brought into your tool chest or into your repertoire in a very balanced way. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not implying or saying that leaders shouldn't also deploy pressure and shouldn't deploy, you know, a rapid way of thinking in terms of, you know, when we're confronted with the instances that require quick action, you know?

6:51And so patience to me really is the, it really is revolving around the idea of, as development, right? And so developing young leaders, developing process, developing strategy, mentoring individuals and understanding that there are going to be some mistakes, making sure that you, that you, that you do have that patience to really develop individuals and to make sure that they understand that there's true sincerity and true love coming from you when you're really trying to, you know, develop them. But I also, you know, you mentioned something earlier, you said, you know, it was kind of the question of what type of energy does impatience bring?

7:34Well, the people that I've seen and been around that have impatience, I would say bring a really hostile or hostility to their, to the behavior, to their actions. And, you know, patience certainly can be developed. It's not something that everybody is born with. But I think it's an essential piece really of the leadership component. And that's really, you know, what we've been talking about.

8:04So. Yeah. And I want to reiterate something because you nailed it in terms of patience doesn't mean that we're not moving forward. Patience, as I talked about, does include action. It just, it's a different way of framing things because, of course, a leader isn't just going to sit there and do nothing to me like, no, man, I'm just being patient. No, there's a balance of things. And a lot of it can almost be, think about the building of a business.

8:31You've got short-term goals and you've got long-term goals. You've got a vision for what you want to accomplish. The vision, I've got patience in that. I know it's going to take some time. But on the short term, guess what? We're going to take action. But you know what? Some of that action, we might need to be patient about doing things because, for example, think about cooking. You can't just be impatient when baking a cake and say, you know what? I'm just going to turn this bad boy up to 700 degrees and get this done in half the time. Sorry.

9:01It doesn't really work that way. Right. And I think when you actually really dive into the role of the leader or the entrepreneur or the head of the company or somebody who is really in that pole position, I think it's patience can save you money. It can save your life. It can save other people's lives. It has outcomes that I think far outweigh positive outcomes that far outweigh the negatives. And, you know, I think, you know, to bring in something that obviously we've all heard before, but speed kills. Right. And so I think that there is a time and a place for speed.

9:52But I think that the vast majority of the things that I've learned over my years is that slow down for a minute. Let's slow everything down. Let's even potentially press pause and analyze what we're going to be doing. Because I don't think that slowing things down or giving yourself a little bit of time is a detriment. I think it actually is the smartest way to approach things.

10:20And I can assure you, certainly from my experiences, that that level of patience and study and development of strategy really has helped me through the years really to kind of move through some of the obstacles that I've encountered for sure this year. But over the course of, you know, the last 15 years of being in business. And that's actually a great transition to, all right, how do we work on this?

10:47How do we become more patient? And I think one thing which is extremely important is we've got to put our ego aside. So often our ego says, I deserve this or I want this or I'm being wronged right now. I mean, I think a great way to think about patience is in relationships. If you've got a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, family members, and how quickly some of us can fly off the trigger or a situation can all of a sudden combust real quick.

11:17But if we really think about it, the majority of those situations are usually mundane things that get completely blown out. And so often we have this feeling of I need to be right or I deserve that causes us to be impatient. But, and I even think about this, go to the grocery store. If someone's walking in front of you really slow or doing something where you're like, man, what in the world are they going for?

11:43And sometimes you can just say, oh, all right, well, I'm going to move on. And it's not focusing on the monster that's in front of you, but instead diverting your attention because sometimes we feel like the moment right now is the biggest moment in the world. But in actuality, it's just a blip on the radar in our life. And it's really not something that you're going to remember because I can't tell you all the times in which I was impatient.

12:10I blew off the handle because I forgot about them because they didn't really matter in life. And as leaders, one of the things that we do is we prioritize things in our lives. And what are we going to give our attention to? I don't have time to give my attention to the things that don't serve me. So patience is a great way for me to sort of filter that out and say, listen, this right here might not be serving me. I'm going to go the other direction. Yeah.

12:34I mean, I think, you know, patience, you know, I certainly suffered in my 20s and I would say a good portion of my 30s from some real impatience. You know, I think it was really driven by ambition and this thought in my mind that I should be in a different, you know, different place. Even though I think that when I did analyze and look at where I was at that place in time, I was certainly very happy with it, but never satisfied.

13:03And I think it's a very dangerous path and a process. And one of the things that I would have loved to have had at that time, which I never really was able to really establish or to actually develop was, you know, I never had a mentoring relationship. Where I think we're young people get caught into this trap again, because it's ego, because it's pressure, because it's the idea or the thought that everything needs to happen right now. You know, there's exercises and there's things that people can do to really kind of start working on that self-patience.

13:46But I also think that it helps to have somebody to speak with and to really to be able to connect with somebody who has done what you're trying to do and or has had great success in their lives, because they will be somebody that I think will definitively tell you that there's process. There's a process involved in developing patients, but there's also a process in getting to, you know, these places that people are, you know, anxiously trying to get to. And so things don't happen overnight. And so I would say I would tell people that are, you know, that would classify themselves as young, hungry. I don't suppress your appetite. Don't suppress that ambition, because I think that that's a really important thing.

14:36And I think that that fulfills passions and desires that we have. And that's a healthy thing. But I think that being realistic, being realistic, that that we have to be as close to 100 percent certain that the time is that the time is right. Again, mistakes are very costly. So find somebody that can mentor you, find somebody that can give you some advice. And sometimes people don't don't want to take it.

15:05But, you know, there's there's always the parental advice that that we all have. Again, you know, for some reason or another, we it we go most of our entire lives never really wanting to take the advice of our parents until we get to a certain age. And we're like, oh, OK, they they they are right, I guess. So, you know, get feedback.

15:29Try to, you know, get some input from from individuals and study and try to understand, you know, what it takes to get to those next levels that you may be trying to pursue. But and I would say that for the for the leaders that are actually, you know, in charge of of driving companies and large groups of people, I think that patience is you have to kind of fall back on this concept that the more time that you invest is you're developing equity into humans.

16:04And so spending time with people, spending time actually explaining things and having that patience will do wonders for the culture of the organization. And people want to work and want to surround themselves by people that actually have patience. No one wants to work with anybody who's impatient. So my two cents. Yeah. And if you have not listened to our episode about EQ, that would probably be a good one to listen to next because it completely ties into everything that you just said right there. I've got some specific things that people can do. Number one, pause for a second. So to be more patient, I think there's a few steps. Number one, you have to be intentional about this. You can even write it down.

16:56What I would do is write down, there's a new habit I want to cultivate. I would write down patience. So this month I'm going to work in patience. So number one, that sets your intention. Number two, now you need to have an element of awareness. And so often that's going to be the self chatter in our own head for why we're not going to be patient. So you need to stop for a second. All right, I'm aware that I'm triggered because that's really going to be the thing is what's triggering you to cause the impatience.

17:26And then from there, if you just stop for a second, you're going to have better decision making if you're not rushing to judgment so often. So we're talking about action versus non-action. In this instance, a lack of action for just a split second or two to let you to collect your thoughts, that's going to allow you to be more patient. And I know I mentioned this to you, Arturo, before we started recording, but meditation, this is something where I love nothingness.

17:56And I want to make sure we're clear on something. And you mentioned this, Arturo. You and I are two of the most ambitious people out there in the world. So by no means does patience mean a lack of ambition. It is the opposite for us. There needs to be this totality of who you are, and there are certain buckets that you need to fill in your life. And we live in this always-on world of digital and news and family and sports and business and money and politics.

18:25And there's just so much thrown at us that sometimes we actually need an absence of thought to allow us to slow down and cultivate the feeling of patience. Because for anyone who's ever meditated, when you're done, there's a reason why we keep doing it. Because we feel good. You feel free and you feel light. And if you can think of your days in terms of a weight, heavy or light, like if you're picking up a 45-pound weight, that's heavy. If you pick up a feather, that's light. That's the same type of thing that meditation can bring. And that's a great entry point into how you can become more patient. Because if you're going to say, I'm setting the intention of being more patient and I'm meditating or I'm doing breath work, and just having the absence of anything there allows you to slow down. And by slowing down, that'll actually allow you to speed up and get more accomplished. Yeah. I mean, we're both, I think, obsessed with meditation for the obvious benefits or the benefits that we both get from it. And everybody's a little bit different. And so everybody, I think, gravitates towards that practice for different reasons.

19:37But I think at the end of the day, it really does provide the ability to have multiple perspectives, right? But for the individual that feels that they don't have the time to meditate or they haven't gotten to that point where they think that that's their cup of tea, I can tell everybody that's listening, I think that they should try it. Here's one other thing that I think is we've all heard throughout our lives.

20:06Just look at yourself and see if you're actually a good listener. Okay? Because if you are a good listener, then you are on your way to developing a greater level of patience. If you're the person that really is constantly interrupting people or that you are finding yourself easily distracted, I would say that your patience is probably on the lower end of the scale.

20:33I've actually never seen somebody that has those two characteristics that I would say has a high level of patience. And so sometimes it's not easy for everybody, but I think you just need to stop talking. You need to stop talking and you need to, whether it's listening to the other individual in the room that's speaking or whether it's listening to the dialogue that's going on in our heads that goes on in our heads every day or listening to signs, listening to the things that you're picking up from the way that the world is moving at a certain time. And so I think this has been a really interesting year because no one has answers.

21:23And I still don't think that there's a book or a diagram for what's going to happen and how business is going to move and what things will look like in a post-COVID world. I do think there's signs there, though. I think that there's a significant amount of things that are kind of being presented to us as we are moving through these last eight months and as we're moving into the future that if you are a very good listener, you're going to start picking up on things.

21:53And whether those become opportunities for businesses, whether they become opportunities from a career standpoint, that to me, being a great listener shows that there's a great level of patience because it takes time and it takes a willingness to not allow your mind to race or to constantly be speaking. You need to stop for a minute and just listen and absorb.

22:21And it takes selflessness because it is not easy because once again, the ego jumps in saying, I've got this thing that I want to say and just think about yourself. How often are you thinking about what you want to say while someone is still speaking as opposed to having them clear their thoughts, get everything out? And for me, where I learned this so well was in Improv at Second City.

22:47By far, the number one thing that separated those who were good from those who failed were the people who listened because so often the people who did not listen had their own agenda and things did not work well. And I've got a few books to share that I highly recommend. Number one, Don't Sweat the Small Stuff. And it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson. This book is absolutely incredible. Next one, The Mind of a Winner by Steve Canal.

23:16And then I already mentioned The Score Takes Care of Itself by Bill Walsh. And then my favorite book of all time. I mentioned it all the time. The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday. And one of the things he mentions in there around patience, it says, turn obstacles into an opportunity to practice patience. So think about that for a second. An obstacle comes in front of you and you see the obstacle and you say, thank you very much because I can work on my patience right now.

23:44It is an absolutely backwards concept that is so beautiful. And for me has become a center point of how I operate as a leader and as an entrepreneur, because life is a series of obstacles in front of you. So if you can see them as blessings instead of obstacles, man, you are going to be so much more successful. So Arturo, what is one takeaway or action item you have for the listener? Wow, there's a few.

24:12I think, you know, you have to be smart. You have to be smart. And whether that's whether you're really just getting started in your career or whether you're, you know, mid stride and really in a very great spot in your career, that there's requirements. And we have there's accountability that we all have to something. And whether it's to ourselves or whether it's to a greater group of individuals.

24:39And I think that we would all do ourselves a great justice by practicing this concept of patience. And, you know, you mentioned some great books. I think that those books are fantastic reads that can show patience in action. I actually even think that the concept of actually reading is showing patience. Patience. We're too absorbed with holding on to our phones and we're too absorbed with the rapid pace of life at this point. So spend a little bit of time listening, reading, educating. And I think that things will come into clarity in a really interesting way that will allow you to make decisions at a pace that is good for you and for your well-being. In my action item is a fun one.

25:33I want you to send us one thing that you are exhibiting patience on right now in your life. And I'll actually give an example on my end. One of the goals that I have is to speak on stage at a sold out arena. I have patience for the time it is going to take for me to get there. So I would love to hear from you an example. This can be long-term, short-term, just send us something you are being patient about.

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