How to Build Self Worth

First question, tell me one thing you do to create your best year ever. Well, thank you for that question. I would say as a wealth advisor for the last 21 years, I personally believe building your best life ever is about building both your internal personal worth, which is your internal personal security, and mirroring that with your external financial security. And when you do that, you have total life security, which money alone can never provide.

Oh, I love that because money isn't what gets you everything, but it's got to start with the inside. So you make the inside good, the outside good, and you get a totality of everything. So welcome to Best Year Ever, a podcast designed to inspire growth and impact so you can create your best year ever. And I'm your host, Rob Cressy. And joining me today is Dawn Dahlby, CEO and founder of Relevé Financial Group. Dawn, great to have you on the show. Rob, I'm so excited for this.

Good, me too. So there's a few reasons why I wanted to have you on the show because you stood out to me. You and I have never spoken before. This is our first interaction. But I'm really excited about it because you stood out because in the email I got, there was a one-sheeter about you with questions. It was very well done. It was professional. You also included a video with it. And in the video, I noticed something. It's the first thing that we're going to talk about.

In the background, you had a sign that said, Today is a good day to have a good day, which very much aligns with the theme of this show of best day or best year ever, because we want to create a series of best day evers. So can you take us into your mindset around how you can have a good day every single day?

Well, I love that question. And I would say it comes down to exactly what you said. It's about mastering your mind. We are all in control of our thinking. And we can also be in control of how we react to life on a daily basis. And I always make sure that I start every day knowing that I am in control of my thinking and I master my mind, which allows me to have a fantastic, fabulous day every single day.

And I'm curious, is there a daily practice that you do for this? Because I know I like to get very tactical with people because for me, how do I create the best day ever? The first thing that I think every single morning is today is going to be a great day. And I probably say this to myself three, four or five times in the morning. I'm walking the dog, drinking my coffee, whatever it is. Well, why in the world would I do that?

Because we get to decide or architect how we're going to start our days. So some people, they go and let the world start their day. For me, I'm like, you know what? Today's going to be a great day. So go ahead and say that every day for 10 straight years and see what sort of days you're going to have. So what about you? Take us into sort of your practice for making that happen.

Yeah, I do the same thing, Rob. I'll tell you every morning I wake up, you know, sometimes if we're going to be real human beings, we're not always, we don't wake up positive every single day, right? It's just, we're human beings and there's challenges in life, in our life every single day. But when I wake up, it's all about the attitude of gratitude, right? It's about what you're putting in your life and what you're grateful for.

There's, I don't care who you are in this world. You are great. You absolutely be grateful for many things, whether it's your pillow, your dog, like you said, whether it's your husband, your spouse on your side, it's the fact that you have a toothbrush to brush your teeth. Like whatever it is, we start with the gratitude. It's the attitude of gratitude.

And then to me, the other thing that I do, because I like to be real, right? I don't want to just like focus on like life is great every day, blah, blah, blah. Let's get real. And the realness is that we are, we are challenged multiple times every single day. And I always like to tell myself, I can't necessarily control the emotions that come into my life, but I sure can react with intention and be rational with how I react to the negative emotions in my life, which puts me in a hundred percent control.

I love that. There's a great book. It's actually my favorite book. Obstacle Is the Way by Ryan Holiday. And one of the things that has been sort of core to my being is we all get to choose how we respond to every situation. Don't react to the monsters that may or may not lie ahead. And so often we allow the projection of something to seep into our being.

And I want to go back to the gratitude side of things. And one thing that I do, so as part of this morning routine, and this is in the first five minutes, while I'm brushing my teeth, I use that as a trigger to say three people that I'm thankful for. So I'm like, I'm thankful for having Dawn on the podcast today. I'm thankful for my wife, thankful for my dog, or thankful for my friends.

And I'll say things specifically because once again, I think what oftentimes can get overlooked is the power of repetition done over and over and over again. So if you start with boom, today's going to be a great day. And then you've got some gratitude in your life. Boom. Here's some people that I'm thankful for. Now all of a sudden you're flooding yourself with these emotions right out of the gate.

But I'm curious because not everybody lives and thinks like this. So while it might be easiest for her to say, yeah, let's be thankful for the things that we have, a roof over our head or a toothbrush or a dog or family or a job or any of those different things. The fact of the matter is a lot of people are going through situations where you wake up and you just don't feel it where you're automatically going into the negative side of things. So you're not inclined to have this element of gratitude.

And I know on my end, it's something that you have to learn and feel and be open to and really be. But how can you help people who may not have this same awareness for gratitude as a practice in their life?

Yeah. Well, here's what I believe is that we are all based. We are all born as fearful individuals, right? Our brain is formed to be fearful. So we first survival mode, right? And so we all have that fearful. In fact, my whole life prior to maybe seven years ago, I would make all my decisions based on fear alone.

And so I have spent the last 20 years in personal development learning about my mind and why I have fear, why I have anxiety, why I have self-doubt, why I have worry. And I've dedicated my entire life to figuring out why I have, why is this like leading? And why is my fear leading and kind of designing my life?

And so I have been a bookworm on just learning and learning from people out there. The Tony Robbins of the world, the Brian Tracys of the world, like so many people. I just want to get into what the mind is like, right? And so here's what I've learned is the positive self-talk. And I know Saturday Night Live would make fun of people like looking in the mirror and saying, I'm good enough and I'm smart enough and all that kind of stuff. But there's a reason why we do this.

And it's because we have to go from our conscious mind to our subconscious mind. And our subconscious mind is the one that kind of is in charge of our daily behaviors that we're not even aware of, right? The magic happens in our subconscious mind. And in order for our subconscious mind to work for us, we got to completely talk to it and have the repetition going from conscious to subconscious mind on a regular basis.

And that's why when you're brushing your teeth and you're doing those mundane tasks that we all hate to do in life, right? The flossing, the brushing, the driving, the stoplight, all that kind of stuff. And that's why I talk to myself too, because like there's scientific facts out there that you have to condition that subconscious mind, right? And when you do that, that's what leads us into our behaviors that we're not even aware of on a daily basis that actually, you know, dictates our attitude, our behaviors and our outcomes in life.

And if you want a better outcome in your life, if you want a better financial outcome, if you want a better work, internal personal growth, you got to talk to your subconscious mind. And your subconscious mind, but it needs repetition and behavior and consistency.

Dawn, you are speaking my language because it's something that when I became a full-time entrepreneur 10 plus years ago, and I went from making multiple six figures to $0 overnight, I was like, all right, well, I've really got to level up pretty quickly. So I audited the success habits of the most successful people and I adopted a growth mindset. So when you take growth mindset plus self-awareness and you just start learning and learning and learning, there became this hunger for me about what can I do to get better?

And I understood that the things that you do consistently are going to dictate the way that you feel, your emotions, your happiness, everything that's going on in the world, which is why I talk about a morning routine so much, because it is a boot sequence for me, like a computer when you turn it on and it needs certain things to get to the optimum level.

Well, every morning we all have an opportunity to say, what is it that we want to accomplish? How do we want to feel? Who are we? And let's do the things that we know allow us to live and be the person that we are. And you'd mentioned the thing about Saturday Night Live potentially making fun of people with positive self-talk. And I get it, but so much of the world is going to mock that, but it is needed because nobody else is going to do that for you. Because the rest of the world lives by default.

It's one of my favorite quotes from my branding coach was, live by design, not by default. And so many people just get up, go to work, do their thing, watch Netflix, go back. And there's no judgment there. It just is what they're on doing. But on our end, to create the best year ever, we say, all right, well, I need to pump myself up and I need to create my being.

And as I look at the most impactful thing for me over the last year, it was realizing the importance of creating my being. And what I mean by this is I went from having affirmations that I read that would sort of be like, all right, I'm going to say these things to pump myself up, to creating declarations that this is who I am. And then I took it to the next step where I feel into those things.

I am full of love and I would just visualize my wife and my dog and my family and the podcast I'm going to have today. And I flood myself with that emotion and then I'm a revenue generating juggernaut and I think about the deals that I've landed in my pipeline and these things. And I flood myself with these emotions so that when I get out into the world and the world is going to throw nothing but negativity and media and noise and attention at us, no one is going to say, Rob, you are amazing. So it is up to me to say, Rob, you are amazing.

So I'm going to create this sequence that every single day I'm going to wake up so that when I show up on a podcast with Dawn, I know that I am that a conversation with me is a gift, a gift for Dawn and a gift for everybody listening and watching right now.

Absolutely. And now you're speaking my language because as a wealth advisor for 21 years, I have focused so much on building wealth, building wealth, building money, because I thought money was going to make me secure. Right. And I'll never forget. It was again, probably seven, eight years ago. And I was making about a half a million dollars a year and I still felt broke. I'm like, what is wrong with me? Like I got to do some inner work.

And I've been around wealthy people my whole life, right? Being a financial advisor. And, you know, I'm either around people that have grown their portfolios to multiple seven figures or people that are earning multiple seven figures a year. And, you know, I, I would look at them and think, you know, the, the, the land of security is money. And that's what I believe growing up because of my wrong thinking as a child.

And so I built my wealth up and built my wealth up. And then finally I got to the point where I'm like, what the hell is wrong with me? Why do I still feel broke when I'm making $500,000 plus a year? And that's when I did the inner work, right? It's about the inner security that we all need. It's about the alignment of who we are and our gifts, our purpose, our goals, our strengths, our vision, our core values, and aligning that with who you are as a human being and, and acknowledging our weaknesses, right?

Like Rob, you are not perfect. I am not a perfect human being, but when you really design and like implement self-esteem and realize we are all imperfect human beings, but we can align with our strengths and live true to our core and our worth. Like when you combine that inner work and you combine the knowledge that you need to grow money, like life unfolds beautifully.

And I'm at a place right now with, I'm not kidding. It didn't take a couple of years. It took multiple years, right? But I'm not going to lie. I'm in my fifth decade of living. And I finally had a point where I'm like, I got to teach this to people earlier in life. Like people that you're in there, you're listening to this podcast and you're in your twenties, your thirties, your forties.

Like what Rob and I'm talking about, you guys, it is about building money, but it's also about building your internal worth because, because combined when you do that, like you're able to live on a totally different level. You're able to look at life with a different lens. And when you look at life with a different lens, with your worth and your wealth combined, like the income comes to you, you see different opportunities. You're able to fully live and fully give.

And that when you get to that state, life unfolds beautifully. And not that I have a perfect life because none of us do, right? We do not live perfectly, but to be able to share this inner work that Rob is talking to you about is so powerful and we can't overlook it.

Here's a perspective. Imagine being someone that said, Hey Dawn, I'm not impressed by money. People who have money. Money is just not the thing that drives me or impresses me and other people. If you were to take that perspective, if just money was off the table, then you'd be like, Whoa. So what exactly is it that does matter now? And you would start to look inside. And that's when a big paradigm shift will happen.

When you can walk around in the world and not just see people as dollar signs from a, their worth is, Oh, they have this many millions or they make this much money. But you can start to look at who the person is and how good they are because we all know people who make a crap ton of money who are terrible people. Well, that should be a huge sign for us that money does not mean awesome person. Money does not mean happy person on the inverse. There's plenty of people who are amazing who don't make a lot of money.

So if we see these two poles right there, the way that I see this is, well, we all have the opportunity to show up and be, and be an amazing person. And for me, I earned my confidence by the way that I walk around in the world of my, the beat of my own drum in the best way possible. I'm walking with my head up and a smile on my face.

And one of my declarations is I am a champion for everyone. So literally every person that I see, I want them to succeed. And I'm rolling around with that sort of energy. And that sort of energy is the thing that is actually going to help you get to the thing that you want without really pressing. Because I wake up in the morning and I say, you know what? This is the best version of myself every single day. And this is how I'm going to show up in the world.

And while of course I want to make money and do amazing things, what's more important to me is that I show up as the authentic version of myself. I know I'm the best version of myself and I'm being a positive force for good that leads others to what's possible.

Yes. And when you're the best version of yourself, here's the beauty of it. When you have high self-esteem, not just confidence, confidence is just your ability, you know, your abilities in one particular thing. But when you have high self-esteem, which is your, how you think about yourself, you're able to, like you said, Rob, give the best version of you. But what the most beautiful thing is, is that you're able to share that and look at the potential, the growth and the potential achievement in others and bring out the best in others. And what a gift that is. Right. And so that's one thing I want to say from what you just said.

The other thing that's really important is I don't also want to shy away from money is not important because unfortunately the planet that we live in is that money is like oxygen and we can't survive without it. But I think we put too much emphasis on our worth is our wealth, which isn't the case. And I did that for years. Right. I, I didn't feel good about myself until I was making a lot of money. Right. Cause that's, that was my security.

And it's like, oh my God, that is so not my security, but we need wealth to create opportunities because we all want to live. I mean, at the end of the day, we all want, we want to, what do we all want? What is it? Look at your podcast, the best life. What are we, why do we want a best life? If you start peeling back that we all want to be fulfilled, we all want to matter and we all want to be happy and we need money to put, to support those things in life. Right.

So we don't want to negate money. Money's super important. Um, but when you align the right type of wealth and that's my platform and that's my message, when you align the right type of wealth, it's not about having the most, it's about having the right type of wealth in alignment with your worth. That's when life becomes beautiful because it's not just about serving ourselves. It's about serving others.

But here's the thing I could go on and on. And I know I don't want to like take up your whole time, but, but here's the thing. I truly believe that we live in this world where other people are selfish and people, and we are selfish human beings. Right. But I think a lot of times we're selfish because we don't fill ourselves up enough. We don't do the work that you've done, Rob, or the work that I've done.

And when you don't work on yourself, then life gets ugly. You're in bad relationships. You don't know how to communicate appropriately. You do evil things to other people. You don't have self-integrity. Like you don't live a good life. And when you don't take care of yourself, you are bad to other people.

So fill your, I think the whole thing is, is like when we, you talked about opening up this podcast with the gratitude, right? It's like, fill yourself up so you can fill others up. And it's not a selfish act. It's actually selfless, because that's when you really become what I call the highest level of living. And that, again, it's about, it's about giving, but you can't give your best version. If you don't fill yourself up first.

Well, yeah. One of the things that I love is you cannot give to others that which you are not receiving yourself. Like you can't, it's hard for someone to make you feel good. If I'm not happy myself. It's why another one of my declarations, I am that I love myself unconditionally. And I do that where if I love myself, then that means that I can give love to others. And it's a beautiful thing because when you give love to others, you ultimately get love back.

One thing that I want to circle back around on is there was another sign I saw in your background of your video that said, let whatever you do today be enough. And it's not in this current video. I was looking on your YouTube channel. So I was prying around on you, but it says, let whatever you do today be enough. And one of the things that has been the biggest challenge for me and the deepest work I've done internally in the last year is around enoughness.

Because so often when we don't have, we go into scarcity mindset. Oh my God, I don't have enough money right now. I don't have enough clients. My pipeline's not big enough right now. It's just not enough, not enough, not enough. And you allow this little area of your life to almost grow too big and you feel it more.

So someone like me, I roll around happy 99 out of a hundred times. But then there's that little not enoughness that can live in there. And despite all this happiness, all the declarations that I can say, it would just be like, Rob, are you making enough money? Are you enough? And you sit there and it can become this negative loop in your head where you don't feel like you're enough. Maybe I don't have the right relationships or I don't have the right car or the right house. It's a constant series of scarcity and lack.

And I really had to do a lot of internal work on where in the world is this coming from? Number two, forgive myself for judging myself because there's no reason why I should be feeling a scarcity mindset at all. And then number three, create the positive declaration that's going to allow me to be the more powerful version of myself that lives in abundance.

So that's where something like I'm a revenue generating juggernaut comes from because what is the opposite of not enough? Well, I'm abundantly, I have stuff all over the place or I'm abundantly generous. That was another one because the opposite of not enough is I have so much that I can give to everyone. And I'm curious to hear from you on your thoughts around enoughness or not enoughness, because if I'm feeling it, then certainly I know a lot of other people can feel not enoughness.

I don't know if you can see, but I'm tearing up. Okay. Because I think this resonates with all of us. Um, I'm tearing up because I lost my mother two years ago because she didn't love herself enough. And we're all products of our parents. Right. And my mom didn't have enough worth. She didn't have enough wealth. She died. Um, she died broke and she died without loving herself.

And I feel like we all want, we all have issues, right? We all have stings from our past and we have stings that are happening now and things that are going to happen in the future. And I think that prevents us from really digging deep and feeling like we're enough. And I think us as human beings, my mom included, my mom literally died because she didn't love herself enough. When you start peeling back the reasons why she passed away and we're not going to talk about this on this podcast, but when I dove deep into that, it's like you died because you didn't love yourself enough.

And I think the reason why we all feel like that is because we're constantly, we're constantly comparing what I call the low lights of our life. You know, the things that we don't want to share with others, the things that are embarrassing, the, the, you know, our, we focus on our weaknesses and we, we want to hide those and we, we stomp them down and we're comparing our low lights to everyone else's perfect life and everyone else's highlights within their life.

And I think that's why we constantly, it's this negative comparison that makes us feel that we're not enough. And we weren't designed enough, our weaknesses and all, like, I love talking about this because gal dang it, like I, we're not perfect, but we are enough. And we were created enough in our weaknesses too. And I think so many times we try to hide that because of our low self-esteem.

And I've witnessed this with my own, my mother and had to watch her pass away just two years ago because of this. And, you know, I realized that I was doing the same thing and modeling the same behaviors as my mom. It's like, yeah, I'm only enough when I have X amount of money and I'm only enough when I perfect my weakness. And I'm only enough when I like this bunch of BS. It's like, no, I'm enough right now. My weaknesses and all I'm enough, no matter what my bank account says it has in it. I'm enough because I'm working on myself.

And that's what, you know, to me to be enough, it's about three things. You know, it's first and foremost, the most important thing is that personal growth that Rob and I've been talking about. It's like the personal growth matters. You need personal growth in your life. You need income growth and investment growth, right? Because we have, again, money is important, but that personal growth is so important because we are enough. It's our birthright to be enough in our weaknesses alone. And I obviously have a huge emotion around that. And that just shows how important this topic is.

And one thing that as I was going through the process is I am always enough, even when I have nothing. So if you can actually think about when you're just sitting there at zero, and if you're just okay with it, it allows you to show up in a certain way every single day where you're not concerned about enoughness. And instead, you have the opportunity to put a smile on your face, create something good, make a new connection with someone like Dawn, help the world in some sort of way.

And when you can start to get out of your own way of thinking that you are not enough in realizing that you always are, then the world goes from black and white to color. So Dawn, what I like to do is end the show with a takeaway or an action item. Something that we either learned on this conversation together that we want to share again, or something that we want someone to do based on everything that we had, that we said, do you have an action item or a takeaway for everyone?

Yeah, I have the biggest action item I can say is work on yourself, right? Work on that internal security and then also work on the external financial security. But the financial security will never happen if you don't take time to work on your own internal security as a human being. And again, that security includes all of your weaknesses because yes, you are enough just as you are.

And for me, my action item is to design one thing of gratitude into your life. And I'll even make this simple. Do this for seven days. I don't care when it is, but choose one thing, set a trigger on your phone, a little timer that just says, Hey, what's something you're thankful for? And just do that and see what happens. Because inevitably when that prompt occurs, it allows you to break whatever cycle you're in and go, you know what? I am thankful for the sun shining or the grass smelling green or whatever it is, but design gratitude into your life and just do it for one week. And when you do, I want you to let Dawn and I know about it.

A conversation between Rob Cressy and Dawn Dahlby. Transcript cleaned up for reading.