The power of giving is simple: when you want more love in your life, give it to others first. I call it Give Love to Get Love. You make giving part of who you are, watch for chances to help, act on them, and mirror every kindness back with intentional reciprocity.
- Give love to get love. Give it first, and give it selflessly.
- Make generosity part of your identity, then train your awareness to spot chances to give.
- Intentional reciprocity means mirroring every kindness straight back to the person who gave it.
- The giver gets the best result, and one small act can ripple out to many people.
What is Give Love to Get Love?
Give Love to Get Love is my name for a simple rule. If you want more love in your life, give it to others first. It becomes the gift that keeps on giving.
It started with a ritual I do at the end of the year. I make a list of the most important and impactful people in my life, and I send each of them a video or audio message about what they mean to me. Everybody loves an unexpected compliment, and very few people take the time to give one. The love comes right back.
The giving itself is selfless. I send those messages to appreciate people, and what comes back warms my heart every time.
If you want more love in your life, give it to others first.
Why is the power of giving so strong?
One night at a grocery store in Sarasota, I noticed the woman behind me in line had three items: a gallon of milk, cookies to bake and lettuce for a salad. I bought her groceries and asked her to do something nice for somebody else down the road. As I walked away, she turned to the person next to her and said, "I'm going to buy your groceries because he just bought my groceries."
Count the ripple. Me, my wife when I told her the story, the woman, her husband who got fresh cookies, the next shopper and the two baggers. Seven people felt the impact of one simple decision. The person who got the best result was me. I walked out feeling like a million dollars.
That is connected kindness. When you lead with kindness, the people who receive your gift pass it on. When I donated a can of green beans at checkout, I knew I would never meet the person who ate it. The impact is still felt.
What is intentional reciprocity?
Intentional reciprocity is my practice of mirroring kindness back. When someone does something nice for you, even if it is a message, you send that light and love right back to them.
My birthday became my favorite place to practice it. A friend named Dawn sent me a video from her car full of good vibes. I sent one back telling her that taking a minute out of her day to lift someone up is what makes her amazing.
Sometimes the other person will not take anything in return. Tina, who cuts my hair, gave me a free haircut for my birthday, so I planted a seed for her: "In the next week, something amazing and unexpectedly positive is going to happen in your life." I did the same for a restaurant employee who dropped off the sunglasses I left behind. A kind word with intention behind it is a gift you can always give.
When someone does something nice for you, even if it's a message, boom, you send that light and love back to them.
Rob Cressy
How do you make giving part of who you are?
- Anchor it in your being. Decide you are someone who does random acts of kindness. Every day I speak my declarations out loud, including "I am abundantly generous and I am a giver." Learn how in I Am Affirmations.
- Turn on your awareness. Once giving is who you are, you grow little homing beacons. At the grocery store, at Starbucks or anywhere else, you start to see the openings.
- Take the action. Buying groceries for a stranger feels a little clunky. Listen to the action voice in your head and do it now. "I'll do it next time" is the voice to ignore.
- Rinse and repeat. Each time, you learn who really gets the best result. You do.
Giving belongs on your list of habits for happiness, because the giver walks away feeling the best.
What are some random acts of kindness ideas?
Start with ones I have actually done.
- Buy the groceries behind you Pick up a small order for the person next in line and ask them to pass it on.
- Say yes at checkout When the cashier asks if you want to donate a can of food, pick one you love.
- Send a video message Tell someone in your phone what you admire about them. Any month works.
- Mirror every birthday message Reply to each one with a note about what the gesture says about them.
To turn these into a streak, try the random act of kindness challenge in 30 day challenge ideas.
How does giving build better relationships?
Sending positive energy is one of my favorite relationship tools. To stay in touch with friends, send a quick "hey, I'm thinking about you." I do it on audio or video so they can feel the intention. One friend replied that he had just gotten engaged the day before. You never know what is happening in someone's day. Pair this with the practices in how to build relationships and the people in your life will feel it.
Do this today
- Do one random act of kindness. Watch for an opening today and act on it the moment you see it.
- Send one video message. Pick someone who matters to you and tell them what you admire about them.
Listen to the episode
The Greatest Grocery Store Experience
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Read the full transcript
What's up? It's Rob Cressy. And what I want to do is share a story about the greatest grocery store experience I just had last night. And what this will do is help be a beacon of light for you in your day and that of others and everyone that you encounter. So last night I'm driving home with my wife and we stop at the grocery store just to pick up a few things and I run in.
And first off, I get in the grocery store and who do I see? None other than multiple NBA champion, multiple time NBA champion from the Chicago Bulls, Toni Kukoč. That's right. Boom. I walk into the grocery store in Sarasota, Florida. There's Toni Kukoč. How do you know what Toni Kukoč looks like? If you know Toni Kukoč, you know exactly what he looks like.
So boom, I see him. I'm like, this is fantastic. What an amazing experience I'm already having. I haven't even done anything. So I get to the checkout lane and unfortunately this grocery store had no self-checkout counters and I only had about six items. And I look and there's three lanes and they're filled up. So I'm like, oh man, I wish this was something a little bit quicker.
But nonetheless, I get in line and when it's my time to check out, I noticed the woman behind me has only three items. A gallon of milk, cookies that are going to be made and lettuce for a salad. And my mind goes, ding, ding, ding. I'm going to buy this woman's groceries. It's only three of them. This is completely unexpected.
This is my way of doing something nice for someone else. So the cashier checks out all of my stuff and I'm like, oh, and by the way, I'm buying her stuff too. And this is where it's important that I go up to her and I'm like, hey, I want to do something nice for you and purchase your groceries. Because guess what? This is just something that other people can randomly do nice things for other people.
And she's like, oh, that's nice. And she was just like a normal person. It wasn't somebody who needed it. It's just I saw the opportunity. So she says, thank you. And all I said was, hey, use this as an opportunity to do something nice for somebody else at another point. And she's like, my husband is going to be so happy about this because I am making him cookies. So I'm definitely going to tell him about this.
I'm like, awesome. That's great. And as I'm walking away, I noticed that she then says to the person next to her who has like four or five items, hey, I'm going to buy your groceries because he just bought my groceries. And seeing that made me the happiest person in the world. So for this, I want to sort of break down from a process standpoint, how you can do this and have this part of your life.
So number one, make this part of your being in who you are. You are somebody who does random acts of kindness for other people. So one of the things that I speak out loud every single day as part of my declarations, I am abundantly generous and I am a giver. I also speak, I am a champion for everyone.
And I also speak, I am that a conversation with me is a gift. So boom, every single day I speak this out loud, anchor it in who I am. Because number two thing you're going to do is your awareness. You're going to want to use your vision to see the opportunities to do random acts of kindness for other people. So once you're in tune with this on who you are, man, this just courses through who I am.
Now you go to the grocery store or Starbucks or anywhere. And now you've got these little homing beacons where you're looking for opportunities to do things nice for other people. And then number three, and this is super important, action. You need to take action on this because is it comfortable to go and buy groceries for the person next to you?
No, it's a little bit clunky, but you want to create and cultivate an energy for yourself where you're so excited to do this for another person that you just shower them with love. Hey, I just want to buy this for you. There's no reason for it other than doing something nice for another person. But you need to make sure that you listen to the action voice in your head, not the you see the opportunity, but I'm not going to do it. I'll do it next time. Boom. No always means yes.
And then lastly, rinse and repeat this. And for this, when you do, there's a few things that you're going to learn. Number one, who gets the best result out of this? You do. Man, I'm doing a podcast on this. I left the grocery store. I was like, this is the greatest experience I've ever had at the grocery store. I felt like a million dollars. So how many people were impacted by this one simple act? Well, number one, me.
Then I get into my car. I tell my wife. I'm like, babe, you won't believe this. Number one, I just saw Toni Kukoč. Number two, and boom, I tell her the entire story. Up next, we have the woman whose groceries I bought. Then we have that woman's husband who's going to get some fresh baked cookies. Then you have the person whose groceries she bought. So there's number five. And then you have the two baggers.
Seven people had a positive impact by a simple decision of buying the person next to me's groceries. Boom. It's absolutely amazing. And there's two things that I want to leave you with around this. And that is leading with kindness. If you can be someone that is a beacon in the world for others, that you never know what's going on in somebody else's day. Maybe they're having a bad day. Maybe they're having a good day.
And you can make it even greater to where they're shining more. Because this woman, it caught me off guard that she paid it forward to the person next. And it made me so happy. Because number two, there's a connected kindness we have with others. So when you can lead with kindness and be the one that shows others what's possible, then you can be connected to other people who received your gift and then give that gift. So I'm super excited about this. I feel so good. So my action item for you, do a random act of kindness for someone today and let me know about it.
Transcript cleaned up for reading.